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Tmptrzz 61F  
107039 posts
11/27/2016 11:13 am

I hope you get some soon hun, I feel for you its been a while for me too..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


flowerkings2012 60M
4312 posts
11/27/2016 11:14 am

Yeah 7 months is nothing and it all combines into the quality aspect too, and i feel for flower, as she clearly seeks decent interaction and not hookup, but everything seems to be lacking. And many will identify with the lust and hunger of libido shrinkinf to nothing. I know that feeling well, and you are not alone

And those who have active sex lives here just doesn't chime with my experience to put it mildly


BabyGirlTay74 49F
507 posts
11/27/2016 11:19 am

Man I feel you. It has been a minute since I have had some earth shaking sex. Like years and years. I have had some good sex. I have had some pretty good sex. That OMG what you doing tomorrow sex?...not so much.

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northshoretake2 49M  
1626 posts
11/27/2016 11:50 am

I wanted to comment on the sex drive aspect of this conversation. Just some male perspective, Ms Lala, which may or may not apply.

Most guys I speak with agree that exercise provides a testosterone boost. I'm not talking a few minutes on the treadmill. More like heavy lifting or vigorous cardio. They all feel like they can "JUST FUCK" or that their dicks have grown after hitting it hard.

It's not an age thing, either. These 20 or 30-somethings who just discovered CrossFit? I guarantee you that they want to fuck everything in sight. The 40+ crowd gain a bit more confidence knowing that they can still bring it. And we're not talking just hard bodies. Any guy who EXERTS himself regularly feels it.

So for men, at least, getting in a tough work out is the key to keeping that drive alive. YMMV


Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.


wickedeasy 74F
32404 posts
11/27/2016 11:58 am

I prefer to have sex often but I prefer to have good sex.

now, what I prefer has absolutely nothing to do with what I actually get.

You cannot conceive the many without the one.


BrownEyedBBW 55F  
8831 posts
11/27/2016 12:13 pm

Well technically speaking, we're all sexual camels. Succinctly: there are no negative physical results from no sex. If one approaches it properly, there are no negative ramifications either. A person can go 20 years without sex and still be in the pink of health. They might not be pleased about their situation, but they'd be okay.

All that being said, one of the reasons I've not a fan of random sex is that if I'm not getting it, I channel my energy into something else: school work, a passion, so I can put it to good use as opposed to sitting around being pissy. Once I have sex, though, I get the constant urge to play catch-up.

I'd rather be more productive and wait until something more regular comes along. (And notice I said "regular" and not "serious").


CleavageFan4U 66M
69374 posts
11/27/2016 12:29 pm

I think good sex is just like anything else, and comes mostly from practice, practice, practice. Yeah, they won't ALL be hits, but even a drip of water is better for a camel than nothing at all.

Oh, and as far as the duct tape: The XBLF knows where to put it! [image].

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40Deuce 46M
5725 posts
11/27/2016 1:27 pm

I doubt Loki gets much action either , that outfit of his is kind of ridiculous . Come to think of it I can't think of any supervillain who get's a lot of action - maybe that's why they're always trying to conquer the world .

I guess the Darkness always has the babes coming at him but he'll die if he has sex so . . . you know .

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redrockrascal 65M
23580 posts
11/27/2016 1:42 pm

    Quoting BrownEyedBBW:
    Well technically speaking, we're all sexual camels. Succinctly: there are no negative physical results from no sex. If one approaches it properly, there are no negative ramifications either. A person can go 20 years without sex and still be in the pink of health. They might not be pleased about their situation, but they'd be okay.

    All that being said, one of the reasons I've not a fan of random sex is that if I'm not getting it, I channel my energy into something else: school work, a passion, so I can put it to good use as opposed to sitting around being pissy. Once I have sex, though, I get the constant urge to play catch-up.

    I'd rather be more productive and wait until something more regular comes along. (And notice I said "regular" and not "serious").
Hi BEBBW, Uhmmm . . . wondering about this statement
Succinctly: there are no negative physical results from no sex.
If what we read about the positive health aspects of daily (or regular) sex, on physical and mental health, is correct. Wouldn't the opposite be that no sex sets up a situation where the negative aspects reign?

Oh and Lala . . . camels really? What would Flower know about camels she's in Ant-friggin-artica.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.


northshoretake2 49M  
1626 posts
11/27/2016 1:55 pm

40Deuce wrote:

"I doubt Loki gets much action either , that outfit of his is kind of ridiculous ."



Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.


BrownEyedBBW 55F  
8831 posts
11/27/2016 4:57 pm

Hi BEBBW, Uhmmm . . . wondering about this statement
Succinctly: there are no negative physical results from no sex.
If what we read about the positive health aspects of daily (or regular) sex, on physical and mental health, is correct. Wouldn't the opposite be that no sex sets up a situation where the negative aspects reign?

Oh and Lala . . . camels really? What would Flower know about camels she's in Ant-friggin-artica.


Sure sex has some health benefits but so do coffee and tea. The point being not having sex (with someone else) will not kill you, there are plenty of other ways to trigger the release of endorphins, lower the blood pressure, stretch our muscles, etc.

The benefits are not so staggering that the lack will trigger a health catastrophe.

Case in point, who are one of the *healthiest* populations in the world? Cloistered nuns.


redhotfun4you2 61F  
1596 posts
11/28/2016 5:33 pm

I think I am a little confused on the topic after reading the replies. I will have to come back to this with a sharper mind. It's been a long Monday...


TicklePlease 56F  
13851 posts
11/29/2016 6:03 am

I don't think looking for an honest person who follows through on what he says is me building a fantasy person

and...

I don't want to put up with lies and BS, and be treated like I'm throw away just to be able to fuck, or because I actually like sex and want to have as much good sex as I can

YES YES YES! It seems so easy to me.... why isn't it as easy for a dude? If a man says something and then follows through with actions that back up the words... if he tells the truth and doesn't need to use double talk when speaking of our sex, he'd be fucking GOLD!!!!! But nope. It's like the BS is built in and always the first choice! I don't know of a woman yet who's satisfied with a fwb or a fb, casual sex means such different things to different genders.

(disclaimer: #notallwo/men, yes I know)


cs1df2 41M
1463 posts
12/2/2016 3:07 pm

yeah..... I'd say I'm in the same sort of boat (suspect we'd have a lot more fun if we were in the same boat ) though I think perhaps the best way to describe where I'm at is a high drive, but negative desire ....and it's probably been long enough time for me that even a camel would have long ago died from thirst by now

eh well, don't see the situation changing any time soon either (though to be honest even getting few more regular hugs on a regular basis would be a nice change)


scoupe42 60M

12/3/2016 12:55 pm

Sex is the greatest gift one person can give another.


cs1df2 41M
1463 posts
12/4/2016 10:07 am

    Quoting  :

yup, and what makes it all that much more frustrating is when you find someone (locally) that you'd really like to get in between the sheets with it turns out to be practically impossible to make actually happen

..kinda makes a person just want to say "Fuck it" when it comes to fucking (or at least it does for me.... )


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/5/2016 9:53 am

I really like this post, but maybe that's just because, for various reasons (none of them to do with my health, or lack of exercise lol ) it has been a very long time since I last had sex. Years and years and years.

My sex drive (as defined by you, not by northshoretake2 ) varies from time to time, from get-me-some-now horny, to can't-understand-why-I-was-ever-that-bothered not bothered. And as you so rightly say, if the quality lacks and the time grows, actually the desire tends to lessen. I need someone real, either to fantasise about, converse with, or who I have met but can't have, to get me really wanting it again. So mostly I stop wanting it so much. That is not to say that I don't want it at all - I still want to want it, and wish I was having it, but the urgency one feels when really turned on is absent.

It has been mentioned before that sometimes I think like a woman, but I don't think it is true of all men that they can easily just fuck and enjoy it. I think a lot of men, especially as we get older and remember great sharing sex, find it more difficult to get the same level of pleasure without any emotional attachment.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/6/2016 4:10 am

" I do my best to understand................but boy is it tough."

This set me thinking..........

Like you, I always try to understand what is going on, what someone's motivation and desire is about, where it comes from. And from my own point of view, I always think what I crave most from other people is to be understood. But no you have set me thinking, in at least two of the three or four really deep and intensely sexual relationships I have had in life, I really didn't understand the woman I was with at all. In fact in one case for sure, her unfathomableness was definitely part of the charm. And in those amazing relationships, I felt able to be totally myself, not to worry about what she thought, because although didn't understand any of it, what I knew was that we wanted to be together above all else, and that was all that mattered. And I didn't even mind that I didn't really know why she wanted to be with me - the fact that she wanted ,me was enough.

So perhaps, though it goes against the grain, what I need is to just be really instinctively close to someone, but maybe I don't necessarily need to understand them......


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/6/2016 7:55 am

Ha haa, I'm actually not really that new to your blog and I've been around a while. In fact I expect I have commented before, and I think you have commented on mine. But it's true I haven't been a regular here.

Anyway, what you say in this second paragraph makes perfect sense to me, lol. I feel exactly the same way. I want to understand and be understood - how can I connect if there isn't any understanding, and how can I know what she needs if she doesn't tell me? I get it lol. But what you made me start thinking is: why? Why does it have to be like that; why do I want it to be like that? Because, now I think about it looking back, some of the best times have been when it wasn't like that..........

Maybe part of it is revealed in your sentence "if I understand what the man I connect with wants/needs, then I can work to meet those needs and maintain the connection." Okay, yes, I feel the same way, but back out there in relationship land, maybe it doesn't actually work that way. Obviously we know you have to work at a relationship, especially a long one. It isn't all a rose garden. But should we be trying so hard to meet someone's needs in order to maintain the connection? Because I would always say it isn't about what someone can do for you, it is about how they make you feel inside, what they bring out in you, how much you value them for who they are, much more than what they give you. Isn't that right? If so, then maybe looking to "meet their needs" and therefore having to understand them, isn't the best way round to think of it. ( don't know if this is true, or even what I really think, it is just that your post set me thinking this way, and now I am wondering if I can see something I hadn't quite put into logical thought before...... )


guy4frot 64M
2811 posts
12/7/2016 4:31 am

I guess we're all different and have things we aren't prepared to compromise. I discovered pretty quickly that there are plenty of women who want to have sex with me but with consequences that I'm not really prepared to accept. Therefore, I'm fairly picky and go through dry spells and occasionally have sex with a FWB which certainly isn't gold. I think that's how it is unless you really strike it lucky.

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Leegs2012 51M
96137 posts
12/10/2016 1:55 pm

It goes and comes. Good Sex, Bad Sex...sometimes no sex. Sometimes I think I am better off playing myself


blqberri69 56F  
52 posts
12/11/2016 9:39 am

Yea I know right, I'm hoping these last days of 2016 approaching I'll bring in 2017 with a " bang" (great sex)" ;0)


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/12/2016 3:17 pm

Ha haa, okay yes, I got all that, and no brain explosion, and yes, it pretty much makes perfect sense. I didn't ever really mean to say we shouldn't be trying to give the other person in our relationship what they need if we can. Of course. But I think what I was trying to say (even though I'm not completely sure of this view myself anyway ) is that trying to understand why someone wants or needs or feels something isn't always going to help. Simplified, it was a kind of "great if you understand me, but don't worry if you don't just be there for me, because having you there makes everything in life better for me, even if you don't understand me."

I think maybe I see too many of my female friends wanting to understand their men not so that they are better able to give those men what they need, but because they think that if they understood them better, they would be better able to make them behave how they want them to! And from what you have written, that certainly isn't your motivation, and it isn't mine towards women either.

You started with the questions about what we each might seek in a relationship etc. My answer would be that when I am "looking" I am looking because I am driven by a desire for sex, companionship and to be part of a partnership. I don't specifically look for long term and / or meaningful, but usually that is what ends up happening if the relationship works at all. But I rarely look for something specific - I am a firm believer in spending time with someone who makes me want to spend time with them (for whatever reason ) and letting the relationship find its own level and direction.

I was particularly struck by your comment about how someone not trying, or worse still lying, makes you feel undervalued - like you are not worth their effort or the truth. Wow. Yes, I certainly can understand how that might feel. I feel undervalued if someone doesn't seem to want to try, that's true. I must say that I don't think I have ever really been lied to very much. I can think of one person who did that to me, and I was so surprised and hurt that it wasn't long later that we didn't have a relationship any more. Normally, I am so quick to tell when someone might have a propensity to lie that I wouldn't normally be in a relationship with someone who wasn't scrupulously honest, so I don't really know what it feels like. I mean I'd only have to see a woman I thought I fancied thinking about lying to someone else and I wouldn't like her enough to want to be in a relationship with her.


hotdreamer1000 64M
12409 posts
12/21/2016 2:58 am

Oh bollocks, I wrote another long response here with some interesting thoughts, (at least I thought they were ) and then accidentally deleted it instead of posting and it is gone now and I have run out of time. Piss it, I hate it when that happens.


Electricblues4u 48M
128 posts
12/22/2016 10:18 am

I hope you find whatever it is you so desire. .. Lately there have been no shortages on magic moments in my life. The kind of magic that leaves us both wondering how it keeps getting better and better almost every time. Thats been for the past year straight, anywhere from once or twice a week minimum, up to 3-4 times a week if the mood strikes either of us. Before this amazing (and tiring) year she was with the same man 20 years and rarely had sex. I was with the same Woman 8 years and had sex frequently that was great but not always mind blowing. She was tiny and Ocassionally it would hurt her which ruined the moment or I would cum too soon which would also put a damper on things. With my current Lover she has substantially more meat to her and I have NEVER hurt her with my cock. Just the opposite. ... so deep OMG feels so good etc. In addition aside from the first couple times I have had exceptional stamina, the best staying power and biggest, hardest erections of my life! (Which I didn't think was possible at over 40). Anyways... all the recent sexcapades aside, Before my current and former Loves I was abstinent from sexual intercourse (other than with myself) for just shy of FOUR YEARS. I was definitely craving physical contact and the mental/spiritual connection that comes along with it. I believe I did benefit a great deal from waiting. While working 40+ hrs a week I took time to go back to college, worked out 5 days a week (which activated transmitters and pleasure centers in my brain), volunteered at several local charity organizations and spent time with family among many other things. So although my life was missing something important to me it was also enriched by the other aspects that I put the excess energy into. I suppose the short version of my point is; Mind blowing sex is great but there are also many benefits to being a camel That being said... even a camel can only go about a week without water during the summer months and during colder weather they have been known to go up to 6-7 months at most. Human beings are sexual creatures and the pleasure centers effected by good sex as well as the chemicals produced by the brain can truly be a benefit to our well being... I prescribe a minimum of once a month sex, once a week if possible. Otherwise I truly hope you are having some great sex by yourself because I sure did!


FMAOPLS 70F
27112 posts
5/4/2017 3:00 am

It is such a relief to find another woman on here who has gone through long periods of celibacy, whether self-imposed or not.

I get sick and tired, when people don't believe it is possible to go for years without.

Without knowing your reasons (or any other woman's), I can only speak for myself.

Could it be that I have so much respect for myself that I am not going to settle for just any Tom, Dick or Harry that wants to "stick it in me"?

You betcha.

Check out my profile or and become a "watcher" of my blog FMAOPLS,to learn more about me, and for intelligent, lively, smartassy and fun discussion, with a little irreverence thrown in. "Like" or comment on my photos, and I promise I'll add more. Thanks.


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