Adjusting period

Now it's the 3rd week of bible school. I'm okay with the long one over hour prayer session followed by the teachings of the Word. Sometimes with the calm voice of one of the pastors, we might find ourselves nodding off after a 30 mins break of snacks. So we are encouraged to eat some mints to perk ourselves up while in session. I think I ought to order some sugar free sweets soon or my sugar level is getting out of control again!

But my schedule is being throw off guard with frequent staying back due to important briefing or fellowship lunches accordingly to each team's preference after school. All students are required to find a ministry to serve so there's different days for the ministries interviews. As the two Indian students whom I hosted in my home, need to help me with carrying my electric wheelchair home, we ended up waiting for one another... they are from another team so I join their team for lunches when they needed to, or they joined my team for lunches as part of the team building.

One of them got into the Worship ministry, so he need to stay back on Tues and Friday for training... whereas I just signed up for my Make up ministry and might need to stay back on Wed for crash course training for the next 6 weeks too. Meanwhile I still need to see to the needs of my Hubby, his medical appointments & meals prep, and do my paperwork on securing fundings for my daily living for my household.

And now, I'm back on my freelance mental health training zoom classes again on Monday nights. But I still need to meet my co trainer cum manager on one of the afternoons to discuss the lesson every week prior to the class. Previously I only need to discuss on the parts where I teach, and I do not need to do any liaising with the adult learners on the paperwork with my past co managers. So I was surprised that my current class manager told me to send reminders to the learners before class, and to contact them if they are late for class, etc.

Errr, this is adding additional work to me when I am supposed to be just a volunteer trainer for the organization. But I also know, different managers have different styles. Well, this current manager is a much older gentleman but very kind so I don't mind helping him with the IT stuff or paperwork a bit. Fortunately this is a much shorter 8 weeks 2.5 hours class than the usual 12 weeks 3 hours sessions I used to conduct. So I think I can still manage before my own bible school assignments are due.

Actually, I am feeling the exhaustion creeping up on me nevertheless. Mon to Fri I spent more than half a day in bible school from 8.15am to 1.15pm. I still need to meet my caregiver for my shower routine and housekeeping duties thrice a week, by currently scheduling her Mon, Wed & Fri from 1.30pm - 3.30pm. Then I need to rush for my dialysis from 4.30-10.30pm on Tues, Thurs & Sat. Sundays I still need to attend church and only get home after 2pm or so. Alternate Fridays nights from 7.30-10.30pm I still have bible cell group meetings as well at various members' homes. Since this month started, I haven't been able to stay home for a whole day.

But the good part is I no longer stay up late at nights with broken up sleep patterns... coz I'm so exhausted nowadays that I'm finally getting more quality longer sleep duration on time. I don't even have time for mindless scrolling or play simple FB games but spent my available time catching up on my assignment readings, etc. Plus these assignments are reading wholesome positive teachings of The Word, which bring life and stronger convictions to lead a happier peaceful life.

I am still trying my best to keep negative vibes out of my life by limiting or setting boundaries these days too. As I shared previously, my caregiver is having marital issues with her husband, so she will come and confided in me every time she can be alone with me. That is so unhealthy as I became her 'therapist' and she neglected in her works that she's supposed to do for me. I am mentally so tired after school and to be bombarded with her tears and emotions can be quite disturbing too. Despite her words to me is that she will tell her adult children about her husband's affair after their Muslim festival on 31st March, she didn't but keep using me as a substitute for her children instead due to my age is around her daughter's age.

So I guess it might also be GOD's blessing for me to have to stay back after school these days for ministry training and other team building fellowship. I will ask her to do the housekeeping duties first while I might be an hour late in coming back. So the moment I am home, she only need to help me with my shower and then maybe just a short time of chat before she leaves. That really help a lot as she won't be crying to me for every opportunity she can have to be alone with me and I can have some peace of mind.

Coz this is crossing the line of her being my caregiver to see to my needs... but now I am like a free therapist for her coz I'm a mental health trainer myself. We don't bring our own personal problems to work, you know what I means. And I like peace in the house, coz I don't even dare to shed tears unnecessary in front of my mentally ill husband who might get triggered. I want to build a safe space for my Hubby and me to live peacefully together without such emotional disturbances. I came to the point where I don't look forward to being alone with her coz she will go on and on about her husband's betrayal. Or even the physical fights they had recently.

Of course in my faith, I do not encourage divorce and I did prayed for her. But I can see with the provocation from her siblings, she is going to see a divorce lawyer today. She didn't see the bitterness, the greed from her siblings knowing she owned a big apartment and can get quite a good sum of money, that of course her siblings are all encouraging her to do so. She can be quite an emotional person to loan out money to her loved ones who can use that weakness to their advantages. (One of the points her husband made about her so he took charge of all their savings as she used to loan to her relatives and never get back the money.)

Sign, when come to marital issues, it takes two hands to clap. When you love a person, all the weaknesses you will ignore. But once that love get replaced, even the strengths of your old love are of no interests to you. It can get really messy in a broken marriage like that when one partner found someone else.

My Hubby didn't like me mentioning about my caregiver's home issues as he find that very disturbing. He wants me to rest more too seeing how exhausting my schedule is these days. Now is almost 7am in SG. Time to get ready to go out for bible school again. After school, my friend will fetch me directly from my school to her church for their senior ministry chapel from 3.30pm to 4.30pm. I think I won't be home until 6pm. Then my Elder sister is coming over for once a month gathering with me after her work ends at 7pm. Gotten be a long day again! Ciao!

I can't wait for this coming Good Friday holiday... finally I can be home and have the time to catch up on my 3 assignments which are due next Monday!!!