Self care, even for a day or two

I had a busy Sunday as it was my first day to serve in ministry in church. It is part of the bible school's requirement to serve 3 hours per week in a ministry for 4 months. Most ministries I applied earlier didn't select me. So this is in fact the last choice I choose after all the other rejections. I'm glad that the ministry head was sensitive to my limitations and doesn't stress me with much physically draining duty. I was stationed near the entrance to welcome the congregation as they arrived for the church service while sitting in my electric wheelchair.

After the ministry briefing was over, they also celebrated May babies... and yes, I got a muffin with a lighted candle as they sang a birthday song and pray over me with the other birthday boys and girls. Another two friends from another ministry also came to me with gifts and a small slice of cake too, so I got to enjoy making two birthday wishes on the same day, haha!

Soon, I brought my hubby and the two Indian students to lunch at nearby eatery. Then as we try to make our way home using the public transport after such a long time of always engaging app rides or booking medical van transportation, we eventually got lost while navigating our way and things happened!

We couldn't find our way out in the maze like City link for hours as so much have change in the train network over the decade I was ill... then I got heightened anxiety getting stuck on the mrt platform with others helping to get my electric wheelchair out as fast as possible from the platform gap, and I have to keep enduring the dizziness in sitting in a position traveling in opposite direction home in the train and feeder bus rides in order to get home... these must have cause my cortisol level to spike for hours... and the stress messed up my internal hormones.

I reached home feeling weird and feverish... slept from 6pm to 11pm with aches all over the body... took some hot drink and slept again... But I woke up on Monday's morning throwing up... and having great lower abdominal pain... and found myself bleeding internally. This always happened whenever I undergone a stressful event as I know from my medical history (stress bleeding). And worse now as I am anemia and also on blood thinner due to dialysis needs which cause me to bleed easily. Thankful that Monday was a Public holiday so I can take panadol pills and rest to deal with the pain and bleeding.

I guess I would have to hire the expensive medical van transportation for my upcoming 3 days of bible conference in town to cut down my inability to handle traveling via the public transport and to calm my nerves. Our local infrastructure still need some improvement for easier smoother accessibility for wheelchair users like me. It was soooo scary to get stuck on the platform gap and I worried the train will move off with me together in the wheelchair!

It is not easy as I'm still learning how to navigate my ways independently as a person with limitations. I also longed to be 'normal' but yet, it seems so difficult when my spirit is willing yet my flesh is so weak. Such a simple task like using public transport is such a big challenge for me.

Meanwhile, I rested the Monday away to numb my heart pain and bleeding aches. I still feel breathless as I'm recovering from the flu infection... but I know, my body is sending me physical signs to tell me to slow down and rest as much as I can. Tuesday is also a rest day as the school compensate this day to be revision day with no need to attend school because the next 3 days' school hours are extended for 2 hours each. I might cancel the planned Tuesday trip out to collect food ration later with my caregiver as I felt that I needed more rest.

This rare break allows me to catch up on my hobbies on watching camping & bushcraft videos to relax my mind a little. I also watched some ballroom and modern dance videos to cheer myself up too. I do feel a little defeated with my weak health... but I gotten do self care and trust GOD in my weaknesses that HE will take care of me. Amen.