Had a surgery Part 3 - The Comforting Signs

While on the way to the ER the 2nd time... my heart was very burdened... I was upset with myself that I ended up going for a likely surgery again... when I have tried so hard to avoid another surgery since last year, coz my heart function is so weak that no Anesthetist is willing to do anymore general anesthesia procedure on me, for fear I might not wake up.

I felt so useless, just a simple wish to go for a 6 months bible school ended me up in the ER again... I felt like a burden to my school mates as I can't serve with them in the Service Week and I have to keep troubling others daily in order to get out from my non lift access apartment or getting back home with a 40kg electric wheelchair... I wonder if I'm any good for my GOD after all?

In my heart, I asked GOD for a sign... that if this is HIS WILL for me to go ER and get hospitalized again? And less than a second, my eyes caught sight of a vehicle's plate number... it was the 'secret code' I have with DADDY GOD that he's watching over me and it's HIS WILL for me. That perked me up immediately and I felt a sense of peace that there's a purpose why I am again on my way to the hospital.

As I was set aside to be prepared for my surgery at the wee morning at 1am after fasted for 12 hours, I kept praying Psalms 91 over my surgery as I also pictured guardian angels surrounding me to keep watch over the whole procedure. Soon an Anesthetist came to do the routine introduction to me. He asked me how I am? And I just blurred out... and said to him "I trust you GOD... nope, I mean I trust my GOD and I trust you Doctor."

He looked stunned for awhile... then his medical team came to discuss the procedure... I saw him think deeply for awhile while looking through my medical history... and then he said to them... He will try to do nerve block on me, and if it don't work, then he will have to inject into my spine... but if that don't work either, let's postponed the surgery... Because he wish to avoid doing any general anesthesia or even local anesthesia on my weak body. I was a little taken aback at his real concerns for my heart... knowing it can be fatal for me with my current health. I know I will be in good hands somehow.

He assured me again and talk to me a little more before he administer something that made me sleep while in surgery. When I awake in the midst of the ending part of surgery, I don't feel a thing in my leg... so the nerve block was successful. He was by my side still talking to me, ensuring that I am alert after the sleeping gas has stopped. Somehow I was probed to ask him, why did he choose to become a doctor?

He then shared that he has a father like me, very strong in the faith. At first he wanted to be a lawyer and studied law... but in his oversea university, they can choose two majors to try in the first year so he did Law and Med... and his father said to him... be a doctor. Even though he choose Med and also a 2nd generation Christian, he felt his walk with GOD is not so stable.

Somehow I just look up into his eyes and says gently to him, "GOD loves you... and you are precious to HIM." I can see the inner struggles in the doctor's eyes... like there's so much he wish to confide. But I guess everyone in the surgical room was listening so we change our topic to whether he's got a girlfriend and how's life in general for him?

Even after the surgery as I was pushed to the observation room, he also followed along and chat more with me. Somehow, I realized that maybe it's GOD's purpose for me to be coming into the ER, met this young but talented doctor, who needed that assurance and reminder that GOD loves him very much and have a purpose in his life too. A lot of 2nd generation Christians need to be touched by GOD in their own lives to seek that higher calling in their lives. They need that RHEMA word/moment from GOD... that personal touch and not just the general understanding of GOD.

In Christianity, "rhema" refers to a spoken or personally applied word of God, often distinguished from "logos" (the broad, general revelation of God's word). Rhema is typically understood as a specific utterance or revelation from God, often delivered to an individual in the form of a whisper from the Holy Spirit or a specific application of Scripture to a particular situation.

When he finally left and said goodnight to me, I can feel his spirit is being renewed with a touch from GOD through my sharing with him. He seems happier, like a thirsty person being rejuvenated by the watering of the Holy Spirit into his soul. I'm happy too... that I know GOD continues to use me despite whatever circumstances I might be in... a patient on the surgical table witnessing to a doctor, encouraging him in his walk with GOD... hey, not bad! I like that! Haha!

This incident also restores my faith too... that I know I have a calling somehow in the healthcare area. Being a patient, also a caregiver to my loved ones and a part time mental health trainer... I move freely in this arena where the able bodied people normally do not want to associate or do much convicting when they tried to witness the gospels in their able bodied forms. People who are sick won't want to listen to normal people, by saying "You don't understand what I am going through... so go away!"

But I'm one of them... being torture daily in suffering in the physic... knowing the social & emotional isolation of illnesses and griefs... I can ministered to the sick, sit with them, talk with them... even those health care people... who are stuck with sick people all the times... I can inspire them with my laughter and joy... my resilience in handling the sufferings and still shining for my GOD to the world.

As I was informed to be discharged on 28th May, it was also the healthcare annual patient and caregiver award ceremony. Singapore is split into 3 regions for healthcare so one region will allow all the healthcare instituations within the region to send in nominations for inspiring patient award, inspiring caregiver award, inspiring volunteer award and group volunteer award.

Well, I did a 9 months Aster program for a hospital in the east (for their caregivers and dementia loved ones) and the kind medical team nominated me for a Caregiver award. And yes, I became one of the awardees for this event. So while waiting to get my wound dressings and discharge summary from my ward, I made the trip to the ceremony with my nominator within the hospital's compound.

The moment I went up the stage, I received such loud cheers as I too, did it differently from all the others. Everyone was quiet and just go up the stage to get the token of appreciation from the Minister of Health in a formal way... but I choose to wave as I came in... and made a love sign with my fingers which all the other VIPs with me also follow suit... very informal and fun way to take a group photo together! That incite a lot of laughters and more cheers from the audience!

Well, we had more fun taking lot of playful photos with props outside the entrance area and followed by a small buffet after that. This is why I came back about 8pm after going back to the ward to be formally discharged.

And GOD reminded me... despite all the discomfort and stresses that I was undergoing the previous few weeks... doubting myself if I am worthy enough to serve HIM... GOD shown me HE is still using me in very different ways from the normal able bodied people.

In fact, there was also TV crew from local Mediacorp that came to shoot my section when I went up the stage... because they needed the shot to be included for a LIVE charity show this coming June end... and yes, I'm one of the invitees to the show as I'm presenting a charity to raise funds for heart patients. The TV crew already came to my home to do filming a month ago for this event. They selected 7 stories out of the 55 resilience heart heroes from this charity to be aired. I know... GOD will use me to reach out to inspire those forgotten by the society in HIS WAY. AMEN!