The drama of love

As my part time caregiver is in the midst of planning to go through a divorce from her husband who took a second wife and secretly married her in another country, I too, have to slowly work through her grief, anger and bitterness as I try my best to counsel her as a friend.

It wasn't easy of course, for a woman in her 60's to give up a man she love for half a century. But his heart has turned against her for a younger woman and he's using their religion to excuse himself, saying it is their Allah's will for his first wife to accept her lot in this case. As you might not know, but their religion can take up to 4 wives.

They have 3 adult children with total of 7 grandkids already... and she was looking to a quiet fulfilled retiree life with him... he should be retiring in a few more years as they were working in the army together when they met. She retired when she reached 55 years old so she can helped out with caring for the young grandkids. However, she didn't expect him to turn to another younger woman he get to know through his other hobby (cooking) and he invested into her food business when her's own husband passed away.

As the story goes, my caregiver didn't noticed until a year ago... now as she pleaded and begged him to be fair to her, he doesn't care and always spent time with the 2nd wife every day for hours after work... only to return to their home to sleep for a few hours and then goes to his army work again. He also started spending weekends and holidays with the 2nd wife going oversea to their other home in Indonesia.

Seeing my caregiver in her depressive state with wide mood swings, even attacking him when they fight... I felt sorry for her. So while I took hospitalization leave after my surgery to rest at home from my bible school, I have more time to counsel her when she comes over thrice a week for my personal care service. I also help her along to navigate her way in the legal side on what to do next so she can too, move on from this toxin marriage that is killing her soul.

Honestly, as I worked through the process with her.. I got reminded of my own folly past... where I was having extramarital affairs due to the emotional unavailability from caring for my mentally ill Husband. I thought I found a better man but actually, no one is perfect. I myself isn't perfect either. Just like this video by Taylor Swift, the dramatic highs and lows of being in love... can make one become total insane!

It also prompted me to suddenly think of my last ex lover DOST (2017- April 2022) and I goggled him online... looking through whatever sites I know he used to be on. Most of them are either inactive or changed to private settings now. But I know he's still in Singapore, still working in the same international school as a librarian. I saw his reviews in the 2nd hand site... interesting, he has a bad review from one seller as he MIA last minute and also his comment to another seller wasn't very nice either from the recent 3 months. Can see that his Mr Good Guy's persona is finally dropping off... Time really reveal one's character.

Anyway, I'm thankful that my pillar of stability now is no longer looking for men... I rather turned to my GOD who will never leave me or forsake me. Maybe others will think I become a mental case for loving SOMEONE they can't see or touch... but at least to me, GOD is the epitome of LOVE now. I no longer need to go through all that drama just to look for someone to love me. I just want a peaceful quiet life these days.

Nevertheless, I still can feel the highs and lows as I counsel my caregiver with her marital issue... and it really bring me back to this song again... hopefully I won't have to go through all these emotions ever again myself. I have learn to be contented with loving a simple minded mentally ill husband who is a constant in my life till the end of our lives together, I hope.

No more drama for the sake of chasing after love from a man again.