A thought provoking Chinese New Year

Due to the passing of my Father-in-law last year, usually Chinese won't be doing any festive celebration for a year in mourning. Plus the fact that my Hubby and his other two siblings ain't close with one another either, there wasn't any mention of a traditional CNY reunion meal either. As in my Hubby's own words, he said 'When the aged tree fell, the monkeys all scattered." This phrase is a direct translation of the Chinese idiom 树倒猢狲散 (Shù dǎo húsūn sàn) Also similar to the bible verse '"Strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered" (when the highest in hierarchy is no longer around). I also don't foresee Hubby's siblings will be in touch much except updating the process of their late Father's assets which is still on-going.

Actually it is a relief that we no longer meet up for his side of the reunion. Because it is the typical scenario of toxic family dynamics, intrusive questioning (kaypoh), obligation-based stress, and exhausting logistical demands. These gatherings often force interaction with estranged relatives, fueling anxiety, while modern shifts in values and high-paced lifestyles make the traditional, rigid, and sometimes performative, gathering feel less meaningful. And being Chinese, there's that hidden agenda of seeing who is doing better and showing off in the gathering.

As for my own maternal side, my Elder Sis came last month for a simple CNY meal with just Hubby & me. She's also exhausted with her 6 days per week workload and being the primary caregiver to her Hubby who only left 50% vision in one eye and the other eye already blind. Thus, she asked if she can take the CNY break to be at home to catch up on her own resting time. Thus, that's why our monthly gathering for last month we used it as CNY early reunion instead.

So at first I thought there's no reunion dinner on the last day of the Snake year (16th Feb ) as I am away for my dialysis afternoon session and I won't have time to do any preparation. But my engineer tenant told me his company didn't need him to work on 3 days (16th-18th). Thus, he offered to prepare the reunion dinner for all of us. This is the first time any tenant offered to do so after living in my home for the past 8 years. I have always prepared steamboat yearly for them, which is quite costly as I need to feed at least 7 males in my home (6 tenants + my Hubby) who have big appetites.

So on 16th, the engineer prepared quite a simple feast with the ingredients he bought. He told the other tenants to share the cost as most of the restaurants & shops are closed for CNY festive. One tenant has went home to China for the CNY, leaving 5 of them. But 3 of the older tenants were still working for the CNY period due to extra pay, leaving the engineer with the newest tenant alone to prepare. Unfortunately, this newest tenant has been quite a source of issue because he just came from China a year ago... and still have all the annoying habits that China Chinese have when they just arrive in a new country.

The newest tenant refused to do his part to help preparing or cleaning, he only want to eat and leave. Very selfish and self entitled behavior which made my usually gentle and helpful engineer showing his anger for the first time! Even when having conversations with this newest tenant, he showed no respect for other races... saying things like the Muslim don't eat pork coz their ancestors are pigs or the Indian are smelly and cheats coz in his company, many of the Indian engineers bought their degrees from universities, etc. That mouth of his, I am not surprised if he get into trouble one day!

I felt bad for my engineer who was offended by this newest arrogant guy yet my engineer was still being kind to invite him for our 17th & 18th dinners (which I spent $380+ on ingredients) as the eateries out there haven't opened yet. However I decided that from this year onwards, we will not have such celebration every 3-4 months (Feb for CNY, my birthday in May, my wedding anniversary with Hubby in Sept & then Hubby's birthday cum X'mas in Dec). Because it take a lot of prep works and cleaning up, not to mention I have to keep spending so much ($300-$400 per event) and we are now being taken for granted. I will only do it for CNY this year and see how inflation goes (as I explained to the older tenants recently).

After all, both my Hubby & I have our own medical conditions and no longer strong enough to do food prep. The engineer was being kind to offer to help so we can all have a warm meal together. But I do not like him being bullied into doing everything on his own when other able-bodied people just take advantage of his kindness and our generosity to provide. I felt it is enough and time to also think of ourselves when money is getting tighter.

So this year it's time to go simple. Also less stressful on my home budgeting. Especially my housing mortgage has increased to almost twice due to my acclimated interest, plus there's upgrading costs coming in after a new lift was built and my interior toilets were renovated under old aging housing schemes last year. Not to mention 20% tobacco tax which mean another $300 extra increase for my Hubby who is a chain smoker. If I don't let him smoke, his mental illnesses might act up then I won't even have peace in the house. Yes I can continue to pray for his smoking habit but it is still his WILL if he wants to quit or not. GOD gave all of us FREE WILL.

Anyway, I do not owe the tenants anything if I don't wish to keep spending on these events either. But I have my own commitment to my Hubby so his needs and wants come first. It's okay if I say I don't have the means to splurge anymore. But I am just very thankful to my engineer who keep helping us in the household despite we only charge him $50 lesser than others.

Next month my other half year installment payment for my current associate degree is due too. So I asked Hubby to help pay for this first with his payout from the government retirement scheme. At first I thought my extra room would have rented out by Feb but there's no good offer when the market is bad this year. Now I am waiting to see if I can host the new bible students coming next month for my church who might pay the same market price for a hostel that's further away.

I'm thankful that Hubby supported my bucket list dream to study for a degree. It is not for work purpose but a promise I made to my own father on his death bed in 1995. However, I couldn't fulfill it as I later loaned my degree saving to my late parents-in-law for their housing issues in 2004. Now after 22 years later, I am looking forward to the sale of their flat eventually so my loan is returned and I can pay for my own degree study again.

I know I am not an academic potential as my memory retention abilities ain't strong due to PSTD in my childhood era where I learn to shut off in order to protect myself. PTSD is more than an emotional struggle — it physically rewires the brain, altering how fear is processed, memories are stored and emotions are regulated. Key brain regions affected include the amygdala, bed nucleus of the stria terminali, prefrontal cortex and hippocampus. I believe certain part of my growing brain at that time has developed not to remember, which accounted for my retention problems.

I'm more of a street smart person who learn through life in survival mode. But I do desire to be a degree holder even if my GPA is just borderline. After all, I'm not looking for work with getting a degree in biblical studies. It is just my alternate route to getting a tertiary education which was denied to me when it was the older custom that I have to put everyone else's interests above me as an Asian wife and daughter in law in the past decades.

So in the past few days of CNY festive, I have the time to stop my mental health class and my studies for a week, to clear my thoughts and plan for this new year ahead. Yes, I will consider to slow down and smell the roses... taking my own pace to do the tasks I am planning. I realized with my not so strong health now, I need to cut down on how to utilize my limited energy. If I want my studies results to be better, I ought to put in a bit more efforts.

Then I was thinking about my next mental health morning class in March which was offered to me by my current manager who want to work with me again. I didn't promise her yet as I felt there's wasn't a peace in my heart. Then when all work resumed on 19th, I was informed by my dialysis team that my request to transfer to the morning shift slot was approved w.e.f next week! Phew, fortunately I didn't agree to teaching the class and I immediately informed her so she can asked the management to find another partner to co host the class.

This also freed me up as every time I changed a dialysis shift timing, I needed a month or two to get used to the new sleep routine. I would be sleeping in the dialysis centre for the 5 hours duration there, and come home sleep another 3-4 hours to recuperate back my normal self as it is very draining on the body after each session. Then I would not be able to get back to sleep much. My body clock is often out of sync with normal local timing.

And actually it is also very draining of oneself to teach mental health classes where most of the adult learners are experiencing burnt out and having issues themselves as caregivers. It might be good to share as a support group but I felt I do not touch lives in deeper ways as counseling or mentorship 1-1 does. Sometimes it might get overwhelming when everyone's issues with their loved ones are very diversified. Worse is when the discussion turned into more of bitterness and murmuring against their loved ones coz they do not know how to handle their own expectations or emotions too.

Thus, I might consider taking a longer break from teaching and focus on my own study first. Let my body clock get used to the new dialysis timing. And also do my own freelance 1-1 counseling instead of group teaching. I rather focus on working with clients towards setting their own goals than in group setting where it's more of negative complaining among them. I find it more fulfilling working with the former.

Anyway, it's the 6th day of CNY. Tomorrow it's the 7th day where we commonly referred to as Renri or “Human Day,†is celebrated on the seventh day of the first lunar month in the Chinese calendar. This significant day honors humanity and we tend to toss Yusheng for traditions in Singapore. I have the ingredients ready and hope everyone at home will enjoy one more day of simple 2026 Horse Year CNY celebration. Then I will announce to everyone my decision to cut cost and save everyone's trouble from food prep for this year till how things go then.

Well, I want a less stressful year ahead... so other good things can come!