I didn’t think I’d have an entry for this month, but wouldn’t you know it. Something happened. D’Oh!
I’m thinking about retiring. I’ve had a new boss since last October, and let’s just say, I really don’t want to deal with her for another year. She leaves a lot to be desired. And I can manage financially, although another year would have been helpful. But I’m not willing to do the mental damage to myself to try and stay. Besides, I plan to sell my place at some point. Finances solved.
So, to start the process, I logged onto the site where I have one of my retirement pots of money. “Click here to start the process.†Great. Because it’s a government site, it wants to confirm that I’m really me before letting me have the form. Okay, no problem; it’s only 3 questions. How hard can it be?
But these are not regular security questions that you create when you register on a site. No, no, no. These are from some database that specializes in the irrelevant, the long-forgotten, the “what-the-fuck,†and the somewhat-insulting.
Question 1: Has “Jane D’Oh†owned or been associated with any of these properties? Um. The D’Oh in question was my ex-husband’s mistress. A “what-the-fuck, somewhat-insulting†combo right out of the gate. Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to know that? I never stalked her; I mean give me some credit. I chose the option, “None or don’t know the person.†The other two questions I know I answered correctly. I clicked Submit. Strike 1. (Sigh)
I tried again. I was safely kept from having to answer questions about anything related to my ex. In fact, the first two questions were a slam dunk. Then came the last question, “Which phone number have you been associated with?†I vaguely remember having a phone number that started with the 3-digit prefix listed, but I couldn’t remember the last 4. None of them looked familiar. I truly believe that this was one of the phone numbers I had when I first moved out in the 1980’s. I shit you not. THE 1980’S!!! I’m over 60 years old. How am I supposed to remember that far back. Strike 2. D’Oh!
"Your account is now locked." Double D'Oh.
I had to call to unlock it. I’m scared to try again. At least the nice lady did tell me where I can order a report that shows the database on which these questions are based. Apparently, I can submit a dispute about its content. Clearly she's had these calls before. We’ll see if I go to all that trouble before I try again.
I just want to retire!
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8 comments
How is the retirement conversation going? Any closer to getting what you want?
Yes. Most of the paperwork has been submitted. Can't wait... end of December.
@MyNameIsKay Congratulations. What are you planning to do with all of that free time?
@hornysoilder23 Downsize the house, write, exercise, help my daughter become independent (she's disabled), and travel. That's not even the complete list.
@MyNameIsKay What is the complete list? It seems that you really enjoy writing, exercise is always great, and being an amazing parent is outstanding. Where are some places that you want to travel to?
I have run into those sort of "Confirmation Queries" a couple of times but fortunately not for anything important. No doubt some idiot thinks the data bases they are using are relevant. Good luck getting into any and all of your important places.
Sending you big naked hugs and may you proceed with your retirement plans with no more hitches.
Thanks, JS. I'm going to give it another shot today. Fingers crossed!
Haaaa. Yeah, I recently froze my credit at all three reporting agencies. ( All three have to be done separately.) I did amazingly well on the identity proof questions, though the true red herring ones (that did not have an answer that in any way applied) did give me a pause.
It's downright scary how much they know about you!!
In this case, I think it was pretty presumptuous of them to think I would know so much about others!
Sounds like you should get a credit agency gold star!
Those questions are tough ones. There's security and there's security!
I know, right?
Jane D’oh, very clever! 😀
That verification process sounds HORRIBLE.
Thanks, Smarty. That was a happy accident. ðŸ˜
I left out the part where my mom got locked out of her account on the same website just a couple of weeks ago because they asked her about her grandson's ex-wife. When that agency says they have access to billions of details, I guess they really mean it.
Dealing with a government website? They are D'OH all the way!
Keep trying... you'll like retirement.
Thanks BJ. That's what I'm hoping.
As a follow-up. I received the data report that is the source for these questions. Almost 500 pages of a lot of things that really don't relate to me at all. Instead of disputing it, I used it as a reference to answer the questions. I got in and started my application.