HAPPY FUN DIRTY FRIDAY

Good morning, Happy Fun Dirty Friday everyone. Today is Friday

and I think some laughs are in order to start off your weekend.

So I have found some of the funniest, and dirtiest jokes ever

to share with you all. So I hope you enjoy these, as there are

87 secy and dirty jokes here, a long list but some will definitely make

LOL for a while. So I hope you enjoy these and may they

bring you some laughter or at least a smile.

May your Friday be a great start to an even more

exciting weekend..

1. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box.

2. Why did the snowman suddenly smile?

He could see the snowblower coming.

3. Why did the weatherman’s cheeks turn pink?

He saw the climate change.

4. What did Nala say to Simba in bed?

Move fasta (Mufasa).

5. What did Cinderella say to Prince Charming?

“Want to see if it fits?â€

6. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

7. Which animal has the largest chest?

A Z-bra.

8. Is that a mirror in your pocket?

Because I can see myself in your pants.

9. How does a wiener go camping?

In a Wiener-bago.

10. My wife asked me to spoon in bed, but I’d rather fork.

11. What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam?

Only one has nuts.

12. What does the horny toad say?

Rub it.

13. What do you call a nanny with breast implants?

A faux-pair.

14. What does a hot dog use for protection?

Condoments.

15. What does a robot do after a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

16. What is a long, wide thing that men carry?

A tie.

17. Who is Cogsworth’s best friend?

His candlestick.

18. What do you call an Italian hooker?

A pasta-tute.

19. What did Pongo and Perdita say after they did the deed?

“That hit the spot.â€

20. Are you a pie?

Because I’d like a piece of you.

21. How did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales?

They grabbed him by the jewels.

22. What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs.

23. What did Winnie-the-Pooh say to his new love interest?

Show me the honey.

24. Want to hear a dirty joke? A white horse fell in a mud puddle.

Want to hear a clean joke?

The white horse took a bath.

25. What gets wetter when things get steamy?

Steamboats.

26. What's 6 inches long and has 2 nuts at the end?

An Almond Joy.

27. Why did the male chicken wear underwear on its head?

Because its pecker was on its face.

28. Can I watch TV?

Yes, but don't turn it on.

29. Why did the ranch blush?

He saw the salad dressing.

30. What’s hot, pink and wet?

A pig in a hot tub.

31. Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had a reptile dysfunction.

32. Why did the fish blush?

It saw the ocean’s bottom.

33. Why are men like popcorn?

They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

34. What kind of bees produce milk?

Boo-bees.

35. What's the difference between 'Oooh!' and 'Aaah!'?

About three inches.

36. What holds your buns firmly and makes them look round and pretty?

A hair tie.

37. What is Peter Pan’s favorite place to eat out?

Wendy’s.

38. Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

She outgrew her b-shells.

39. Why is a one-night stand with a man like a snowstorm?

You never know how long it’ll last.

40. A couple were snuggling and his wife said softly, “Speaking of fantasies, how about the

one of you ironing?â€

41. What do you play with at night that also vibrates?

A cell phone.

42. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because they won't stop to ask for directions.

43. What’s in a man’s pants that you won’t find in a girl’s pants?

Pockets.

44. What does one boob say to the other boob?

“If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.â€

45. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?'

She gagged.

'
46. What did Nala say to Simba?

Hakuna my tatas.

47. Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

48. A cow has 4, but a woman only has 2. What am I?

Legs.

49. Do you work at Dick’s?

Because you’re sporting the goods.

50. Do you believe in karma?

Because I know some “Karma†Sutra positions we can try.

51. What's the difference between a woman's husband and her boyfriend?

60 minutes.

52. Were your parents bakers?

They should have been because you’ve got a nice set of buns.

53. Is your car battery dead?

Because I’d really like to jump you.

54. Did you butt dial me?

I swear your booty is calling me.

55. Why did Popeye punch the Pope?

He heard he went to Mount Olive.

56. What’s the difference between a microwave and a woman?

A man will actually press and pull a microwave’s buttons and knobs.

57. Are you Little Caesars?

Because I’m hot and I’m ready.

58. Are you a Slytherin?

I hope so, because I really want you to slither into my Chamber of Secrets.

59. What’s the difference between you and an egg?

An egg gets laid.

60. Are you a trampoline?

Because I’d really like to bounce on you.

61. Are you a sea lion?

Because I can see you lion in my bed tonight.

62. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts.

63. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

64. Are you a firefighter?

Because you make me hot and leave me wet.

65. Wanna know something about Pinocchio?

His nose isn’t the only piece of wood that grows.

66. What do you call a horny cow?

Beef jerky.

67. Why did the squirrel swim on its back?

To keep its nuts dry.

68. I can be short or long and women usually demand my full attention. What am I?

A conversation.

69. Are you a light switch?

Because you turn me on.

70. What’s two inches wide, six inches long and makes everyone go crazy?

A $100 bill.

71. Are you my homework?

Because I’m not doing you when I definitely should be.

72. What is furry and peeking out of your pajamas at night?

A person’s head.

73. Are you a Rubix cube?

Because the more I play with you, the harder you get.

74. What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?

Erasers.

75. Why did the pool table laugh?

Its balls were tickled.

76. What gets longer when pulled, works best when jerks and inserts into a slot?

A seatbelt.

77. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes – about me taking out

the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.

78. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close his casket.

79. What do you call an expert fisherman?

A master baiter.

80. Are you a blanket?

Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

81. What did the elephant ask the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing.

82. I get bigger each time you blow me. What am I?

A balloon.

83. What’s Moby Dick’s dad’s name?

Papa Boner.

84. What’s green and smells like pork?

Kermit’s finger.

85. What did Pinocchio’s lover say to him?

“Lie to me!â€

86. What goes up, lets out a load and then goes back down?

An elevator.

87. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say to clients as they leave?

“Thanks for coming!â€