I don't like plagiarizing content, so I'm saying right up front that this comes from user SpanishRed over on Fêtlife. Fêtlife has a section of the site called 'Kinky and Popular'. Since it's based on likes, it usually ends up being a lot of unrealistically beautiful women, often doing something not particularly kinky at all. But, I thought SpanishRed's simple advice easily translates to a sexy picture that anyone might post - say, for HNW?
How to Leave a Polite Photo Comment
K&P is Smut Central on Fêtlife. Some models are coated with semen, and some are jammed full of dicks. Some are showing you their vaginas and some are wearing kitty ears for some reason. It looks like De Wallen (1) at 3 am on a Saturday, and that’s challenging terrain for horny teenagers—I mean sexually-awakened grown-ups. If you’re new to the site, you prolly don’t know what “politeness” looks like in an ocean of kitty-eared vaginas. Never fear. Red is here to give you lessons.
Here, <clicks Ted Talk photo button> we see a naked woman in a window wearing bewbs that have no business being that perfect. I’m allowed to call them perfect. This is polite. So are these:
A marvelous view.
Absolutely stunning.
And even
Good god! No words!!
... because enthusiasm is A-okay. One can “good god” without getting one’s dick out, so by all means use as many exclamation marks as you like. Some comments can’t be said without getting one’s dick out, though. Cast your eyes on this beauty:
I’d lov todo many things with you.
This is not grammatically-correct because he probably typed it with his dick out, but that’s not what’s impolite about the comment. This man has inserted himself into the scene. He is telling a complete stranger that he wants to shag her, and that tends to make folks feel uncomfortable. Here’s another:
You’re stunning babe.
Calling strangers pet names is overly familiar and thus considered impolite. Yes, even if she’s standing in a window with ridiculously perfect breasts. Someone really should tell her off for that, you know, but moving onto our next comment.
need a taste
Finishing School Rules do not allow nonconsensual touching, so this comment isn’t just crass. It’s impolite.
Zoey, here, asked for shopping data.
Where did you get those panties!!
I don’t blame her. I’d also like to know, but if Zoey had said, “Can I get into those panties?” that would have been impolite. She would have inserted herself into the scenario and displayed too much familiarity.
Xandy also likes the panties, but she wants additional information on if they’re technically classified as strappy. I didn’t know there were classifications for knickers, and now I feel inferior. Still, Xandy’s comment is classified as 100% A-grade polite.
I swear this is less complicated than it seems.
Compliments = epic.
Shopping tip requests = okay.
Sexting strangers = not so much.
This man managed to get it completely right:
Beautiful window undressing.
When in doubt, just be cute and clever. Someone will be along shortly saying exactly the same thing you did, but it’s okay. We’ll still call you cute and clever. More importantly, we’ll consider you polite.
I hear you screaming that politeness isn't important on a “sex site” but the nakedness surrounding you only makes respect more necessary. We can’t get our knickers off if we think someone’s going to cop a feel, and we can’t have orgies if we think people will insert themselves without consent.
You’ll hear the word "consent" a lot ‘round here because it's the kink scene’s most important ethic. There’s a reason for that. Without boundaries and respect, we can’t do crazy things. Bungee jumping businesses have more safety checks than playground slides, and kink spaces have stiffer consent rules.
I know a lot of you might find that inconvenient, but kinky folk are not here so that you can get your dick out. They’re here to explore their sexual freedom. Respect allows them to do so. The more ethical you are, the more naked people you will see.
Me again. If you happen to be on Fėtlife, go find SpanishRed and leave a like on this post. Or maybe even a polite comment.
(1) oh and I googled, and De Wallen is a red light district in Amsterdam.
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I love that one of the examples she uses is “You’re stunning babe” and explains calling strangers pet names is overly familiar and thus considered impolite. It supports the point I was making on my recent Terms of Endearment post.
Sad commentary on the human condition that respect seems such a foreign concept to many.
A lot of people (ok mostly men I think) don't seem to get that about pet names.
Pet names and the familiarity it infers is a bit in the eye of the beholder (or the ear of the receiver?). It doesn't bother me as long is it is reasonably kind (babe, sexy, your highness - HA) and not derogatory (b!tch, who're). Because some women find it a turnoff, I would still recommend that they follow her advice, but I don't find it an issue if used on my comments. Especially given that most of these sites we don't use our proper names so pet names often happen by default.
The part where SpanishRed said:
"I know a lot of you might find that inconvenient, but kinky folk are not here so that you can get your dick out. They’re here to explore their sexual freedom. Respect allows them to do so. The more ethical you are, the more naked people you will see."
That rings so true on here, as well as any dating site. Women aren't on dating sites, regardless the nature of the site, for dudes to just whip out their dicks and fulfill whatever fantasy they have.
Yes, if I were going to make a TLDR version of this for the clueless guys it would be "The more polite you are, the more naked people you will see".
(I don't think "ethical" would work with them)
@smartasswoman
Maybe make a meme?
@JN63JPN 👍
A very well observed post Smarty, and at the risk of appearing to inappropriately insert myself, I like the sound of this SpanishRed.
Believe it or not, over my blogging years quite a lot of women have commented on my posts in ways which inserted themselves into the picture way sooner than was appropriate, and it always made feel uncomfortable, although until reading this post I couldn't have described exactly why, certainly not so succinctly. But I have also noticed that here on this site, men do it all the time. I don't really think people need to be taught these rules - they should be learning them automatically at a very early age in matters not even related to sex. But for some reason not everyone does, and I think this site probably attract a lot of people, especially males, actually precisely because they have never learnt these rules.
It's kind of a delicate dance, figuring out if a particular blogger would be receptive to flirty comments from you. Some bloggers are flirty with everybody, and that's fine. Anyone reading my blog would probably figure out I don't flirt a lot. Someone reading your blog might observe that you're warm with a select couple of women.
But the people who haven't learned the "rules" don't even think about hanging back and observing for a while to get the lay of the land. 🤷🏻♀️
@smartasswoman That's true. I like your point that you can observe for a while and pick up some clues as to what might be well received by a particular person, and where not to go. It isn't always easy to know when someone would welcome a flirty comment. Hell, I don't always know who I would want one from until I get one!
But it just seems to me that the natural path of human respectful interaction has become less well maintained of late. I mean you don't really have to hang back and observe first to have a pretty good idea of when you might be overstepping the line do you!
Great article ... sadly, too long for the men that actually need to read it.
Probably should have put the part about “if you want to see more naked people, don’t make them feel uncomfortable “ at the very beginning in boldface! 😊
There are a few people I miss reading on fet, she’s one.
This is well thought out and covers how I feel about people commenting on my pics.
I never mind people asking where I bought stuff.
I never mind a compliment without them inserting themselves into it.
Hell I just deleted a comment the other day who said they don’t care about my air conditioning, they just want to lick the sweat off my skin.
Respect me or your comment goes in the trash. That’s how I see it.
The AC one is a perfect example of the kind of comment that makes most of us feel uncomfortable. And I can't believe most of these guys are so clueless that they don't realize that.
@staci_19702 it can be, sure…but not when a stranger is talking about it
Great post. I have a good freind of mine on Fet. Never been to the site but she enjoys it very much. Does it have blogs and stories as well? I truly love the Blogs on here and the stroies as well. Its wonderful to see a small look into some amazing peoples minds.
There are people who write, but it's kind of a different paradigm. There is no separate section of the site where you can browse posts. You have to stumble across the popular writers and follow them, so that their posts will show up in your feed. I guess usually that happens via seeing in your feed when one of your friends likes or comments on someone else's writing.
Hmmm. De Wallen is de bomb. (Typed with dick securely ensconced in sweat pants.)
My only experience with Amsterdam is Schipol airport, since it seems to be where Delta transfers everybody coming from the US, on to KLM flights.
I agree that politness is especially important on a sex site.
So I seem to be on a roll with denied comments. Here's my slightly edited version of what I said originally. It could have been printed in the church newsletter but I was denied! Hahaha. Gotta love AFF.
I can't tell you how many times I've politely turned some Neanderthal down and he's come back with "Your (incorrect on purpose) on a sex sight (again purposeful error) you dum witch. Your fat and ugly and old anyway!" Or something to that effect. One message prior, he wanted to show me skills. SMH.
Le sigh. Many have apparently never heard the slogan about catching more flies with honey than vinegar.
Great excerpt from SpanishRed!… great topic and thoughtful comments.
As for generalizations about male behavior - I might have an interesting perspective:
(TLDR: “male-homoerotic-perving” throws a small wrench in Red’s premise… or does it?)
I spend a LOT of time viewing nudes, and making comments on them. I’d like to think that the majority of the written ones are polite. I am surely guilty of inserting familiarity on many accounts. I’m grateful for being reminded, here, with this article and conversation, that I could do better. I can see how such comments are presumptuous, that they are not contingent upon previous consent, and that they could be received with disgust, disdain, discomfort, etc…
That said, here’s the interesting twist: the subjects of my lust are not exclusively women. As a bi/pan man, i spend more time cruising dick pics and engaging in explicit video chat with male strangers than I do with women (due - in no small part - to the available pool of willing participants!)
These dirty men - us brutish, horny dogs - rarely bother with polite small talk. We immediately cannonball ourselves into each others’ private bubbles. We warp-speed to “what-I’d-like-to-do-with-you”.
If one were to compare these rules of engagement with the ones that SpanishRed is proposing, there’s a pretty stark contrast, right?
While it may be interesting to notice the differences, though, they aren’t really completely comparable, are they? for at least a couple reasons - ? 1) when two guys both have their dicks whipped out for each other, then we are basically on the same level - we enter the arena on the same footing, with a mutual understanding of the intents and purposes. With some exceptions, we are delivering and receiving with the same flavor of passion and poison.
2) for many of these men - regardless of their orientation - they don’t have the same life experience of being “viewed”, rather most of us only have the experience of being the “viewer” (this is Feminism101 basics, right?).
Now, as much as I love to brag, it’s not my purpose in sharing this anecdotal fact:
on the platform I use, I typically have WAY more followers than most of the other men that I perv with. This does present a slight imbalance… where my viewers are in position to outnumber me with their requests and comments. They are able to perceive and experience a stronger sense of familiarity with me than I do with them. But most of them have no awareness of that dynamic. Why would they?
Is it such bi-erotic men as us, then, that are even more primed and ready for making inappropriate comments to women that just want to share the beauty of their nude bodies?
(My god! What have we done?!!)
Hmmmm. I see what you’re trying to say here. But if YOU can connect the dots and realize that what is ok between horny guys, could feel uncomfortable for a woman - other guys should be able to connect the dots too.
PS I‘ve seen some of your photo comments on FL - you’re my friend, they pop up in my feed - and I don’t think I’ve noticed you being inappropriate.
I keep wondering if I would enjoy FetLife. I need to try it
And find you and SpanishRed.
Hugs!!
Let me know if you go - I’ll tell you my username over there.
Great post, and thanks! Having been a member of this site for roughly a decade (off and on), I’ve always wondered by people, both men and women sadly, think it’s okay to be rude or pervy with complete strangers just because this is a “sex site”.
I’ve had luck meeting some very nice friends here over the years, and many more that I just chatted with—about many things that didn’t include sex, lol! I think my good fortune was because I always try my best to be polite. 😊
I always appreciate it when people are capable of talking about other topics besides sex. 😊 Cheers!
It's true that it's way less complicated than it seems. Then again, I learned a long time ago the best compliment was something that didn't make it about the giver of said compliment... which is sadly what happens 99% of the time!
I agree it's to be avoided, and, I guess I don't agree with you that it happens 99% of the time. But the 5% can certainly make things very uncomfortable.
Let's touch Goddess smartasswoman
Well expressed.
However, being in a red light district, they're expecting more than a polite "marvelous view" comment.
That was just a picture I grabbed so the post wouldn’t be image-less. Given that De Wallen is mentioned in the post it seemed apropos…
Well crafted... all parts.
Go with whatever makes you warm. Twas an easy choice.
.... so wait....what now — I'm supposed to troll him?...
Troll who? 🤔