Have you ever noticed how many people's profiles make a BIG point of saying that their partners must have impeccable hygiene? I can only imagine it's because they had a bad experience with someone who was disgusting? I don't think about it a lot, I guess because I can't remember ever being with anyone where it was an issue.
Well, there was the guy who ate raw onions at lunch and came over to my house with his breath just reeking. 😨
So I saw this writing over on Fetlife called 'Hygiene tips that we WISH all men did". I was reading down her list and some of it seemed fairly reasonable, like trim and file your fingernails, especially if you know you're going to be fingering your lady friend. But everything was just a little bit EXTRA like after 'trim and file your fingernails' she went on to say that men should be using cuticle oil.
Get this one: "Shower gel does not effectively clean the armpit area. You need a soap bar of antibacterial soap like Dettol sensitive or Shield. DO NOT use these soaps on your penis. They are too harsh. Something like Vanicream or Dove is great for around the genital area.". She's expecting a guy to use a different soap on his armpits? 😵💫
Or how about this one: "Buy several washcloths. Use them and change them out each time. Our hands are too soft to get rid of all the gunk on our bodies.". I feel like maybe @EnigmaInitiative featured this in one of her polls. I know washcloth or no washcloth is a debate. I personally don't use one unless I'm extremely dirty from gardening or cleaning my bike. But can you imagine most guys changing out their washcloth every time they shower?
This one was my favorite: "Also, after showering dry thoroughly and then put alcohol free witch hazel on a clean cotton pad and wipe it in your bum crack. It will keep you fresh for longer."
What the hell? 😂 I do have some witch hazel in a drawer somewhere, maybe I'll have to give that one a try the next time we have a day like Wednesday, where it was 97 degrees feels like 114, and one of my friends posted this on Facebook:
Perhaps I was so struck by this writing because it featured a lot of stuff I don't do, and left me wondering if I'm a filthy slob.
I will admit my hermit tendencies have led to a certain amount of sloth. I can go two or three days without showering if I'm not doing anything particularly sweaty. I feel like part of it is a menopause thing. My hair no longer gets greasy at the drop of a hat, so I don't have to wash it every day, and I just don't seem to be as prone to getting rankly stinky. Maybe I'm deluding myself? But I figure if I'm home alone and I'm not bothered, who cares?
Obviously I do shower before a date or even doing anything social.
What really blew my mind was when the chicks started exchanging info on their routines in the comments. One woman's hair washing routine:
-oil hair/scalp using warmed up neem oil + carrier oil (I use black mustard seed, sometimes I add sweet almond oils or other ones to address any current issues) and leave in for 1-2 hours
-shampoo out using a gentle shampoo mixed with a few drops of neem oil, leave on for a bit in shower
-wash shampoo out with warmed up rosemary water
-keep rosemary water in hair anywhere from a few hours to overnight
-rinse off and use unscented gentle conditioner (you can go for warm water or another dose of rosemary water)
-use detangler, curl cream, and any other hair serums/oils needed
Rosemary water? 🤯 (she did say she had issues with eczema so I'm not going to judge, but yikes).
FINALLY getting to the point, I think that women shouldn't impose their weird hygiene routines on to men. Yes we like to lotion our body after a shower. Should a guy be expected to? I think no. I'm happy that he's clean.
What are your minimum expectations for hygiene?
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This is awesome! Great write-up!
Lufa, soap, done.
I use the same soap for my hair, butt, junk, armpits and feet. Same lufa for everything too. Deodorant, cologne and maybe beard softener after the shower. Oh! And don't just brush your teeth, brush your tongue too!
As far as grooming goes, Clipping and filing your nails seems obvious to me but a good tip nonetheless. I trim the pubs short because lots of hair down there holds in odor. I also trim the nose hairs and trim up the beard... but don't go too short with the beard or it'll be like sandpaper between her thighs when you go down on her. With beards you have to go clean shaven or leave it just long enough to not be rough. Then lastly, clean socks, underwear, clothes.
This is my minimum and maximum no matter what I'm doing.
That is a reasonable routine. 😊
In the comments on her writing a couple people mentioned tongue scraping...seems uncomfortable and unnecessary to me but maybe I need to read up on it.
@smartasswoman I don't think it's necessary if you brush your tongue. Otherwise, it couldn't hurt. It's not really uncomfortable to me unless I go too far back! lol. Would I care if the the person I'm with didn't scrape their tongue? HELL NO! lol. But I like to do it just to error on the side of caution.
Na uh, nope, that's all just too much. They're doing too fucking much. They've bought into the capitalistic hype of ridiculous beauty standards and things have gone to the extreme.
That's not to say I've not met some men who could use some tips on showering, it's just true...some smell like they haven't met a shower in years. Why would you go meet a new person without showering first? Who doesn't want to impress a date?
It makes no sense.
My minimum is that they don't smell bad. I'm not living in beauty standards land over here, more like cruchy granola type who washes her hair twice a week, showers daily, and rarely shaves.
I don't expect a ton out of people.
@smartasswoman
PS By the way, you suggested that poll and I did, indeed, do it.
@EnigmaInitiative hahaha my medium term memory is starting to go I guess!! At least I remembered that you did the poll, but funny that I didn't remember being the person to suggest it.
You know, if someone wants to engage in elaborate beauty routines and they get enjoyment out of it, fine. Like you, my minimum is no bad smells (breath or body).
@smartasswoman oh sure, if it makes you feel good, awesome, but don’t tell others to do all that like the post did. Witch Hazel on butt crack? Too far.
Yikes! I don't have the patience to go through such a rigmarole! Shampoo, conditioner, and the occasional hair treatment cream.
I normally use Dove bar soap in the shower. Sometimes I'll use a fruity-scented shower gel.
I'm happy that a dude's clean, too. I don't think I can handle a dude who carries more beauty products in his "murse" than I do. And I carry the bare minimum -- hand lotion, sunscreen, lip balm, lipstick, and mascara 😂
Yep, I think I'd feel a little weird if a dude had more beauty products than I do! Your list is similar to mine. Well, I don't carry mascara in my purse but sometimes put it on before leaving the house.
@nosos68 I call them a "man-purse".
Clean with no noticeable BO with sufficient deodorant. Depending on haircut and facial hair status... recent-ish cut and shave... not looking too shaggy. Teeth brushed/ breath reasonably fresh.
Or...if you're going to have garlic make sure both of you eat it at dinner!
What the heck is neem oil?!
That chick with the days long hair routine would faint after hearing mine. I wash my hair twice a week. End of story. I don't even use conditioner.
Clean body, clean hair, neat facial hair (if applicable) clean teeth, clean breath and most importantly...clean hands and nails!
As someone else noted in the comments, neem oil can be used as an insecticide on plants. That would make me hesitant to mix it into my shampoo.
I tend not to use conditioner either - my hair isn't that thick and conditioner seems to just make it more flat.
Your list is reasonable. As long as someone is clean I'm not going to quibble about whether they used antibacterial soap or a washcloth to get that way.
In the comments someone mentioned that having hair on your upper lip that's so long it goes into your mouth is gross, and I would have to agree with that one.
@smartasswoman Thank goodness I didn't get a menopause mustache!
@superbjversion2 I didn’t either, but I have almost enough chin hairs to grow a goatee!
@pagancountrygirl I looked it up ... it's toxic to fish and honeybees. I certainly wouldn't want to add it to the environment.
It's all so very metrosexual. Is that still a thing? Apparently it is.
I'm a fuckin' reject. I've never used cuticle oil.
I think as we get older and the hormones are no longer pumping out liters per hour we smell better that we did as kids. I read that somewhere online so it has to be true.
Thanks for confirming my "menopause = less stinky" theory!!
I am in Arizona. We are experts here. When in doubt Lume can be used everywhere, and I do mean every crack and crevice. Anything but internally. And I mean a rescue for women for under boob sweat, to the wet crack all day. It is not an antiperspirant though. You don't stink anymore.
You’re the second person to mention Lume, I’ve never heard of it haha! Another grooming fail on my part apparently…
Sounds like the woman has OCD and thus has unrealistic ideas.
Interesting theory!
Minimum for me....is clean with no odor.
That list....Oy Vey eye roll
Right? And I was surprised that out of a ton of comments, only one person pushed back - a guy saying "no I am not going to wipe my ass with witch hazel" haha! Although I didn't push back either...I don't know her from Adam, it's the kind of thing I would only comment on if it were an acquaintance posting it.
Dang , I guess I am have to clean up a bit. It seems my annual bath, shave and hair cut has to be moved up from December 🤔
Oh yeah, sometimes women love it when I have a day or two stubble on my face as I lightly caress it across thier body to stimulate thier arousal zones 😊
Think how good it will feel! 😁
@smartasswoman from thier reactions , I know they do 😉
@jc_powerman actually I meant, think how good it will feel to take your annual bath.
@smartasswoman 😆
I shower everyday as a wake up thing (I do not drink any caffeine). Some are just way too concerned about these things (think Sheldon Cooper from big bang theory). I prefer no oder and I stay that way. But then I also have issues with some perfumes and cologne (some just make me nauseous).
Yes, a lot of people have issues with fragrance - it’s probably best to know where your date stands on it before dousing yourself!
I do have certain expectations for a man to be clean and not smell stinky. I do not expect him to stroke witch hazel in his butt crack though. If I followed those peoples idea of hygiene I wouldn't have time to cook dinner. I would still be primping in the bathroom.
Hugs!!
It’s true, some of us have a life outside of primping!
Showered, clean, teeth brushed, no BO. I always trim my nails and beard before meeting my lady. Those are the basics.
That's perfect.
Good hygiene should be a given for both of us.
Clean, fresh scent. Doesn’t need to be drowning in cologne/aftershave.
Clean and combed/brushed hair.
Clean teeth and fresh breath. Don’t expect him to carry a toothbrush but gum or breath mints are appreciated after eating or drinking.
Clean hands and nails.
Clean clothes and shoes.
Clean, trimmed or shaved pubic area.
I don't expect anyone to carry a toothbrush either, but they get points if we end up at my house and they ask if I have one stashed that they could use. 😊
My minimum expectations are pretty much that - minimum. Fresh, neat - no need for cuticle oil (whatever the heck that is), witch hazel, or rosemary water.
When I was still working I showered and shaved every morning. NOW...ehhhh...not so much. 😁 But for sure after working in the yard, or leaving the house for anything more than a trip to Wally World or the home improvement warehouse.
Cuticle oil helps to keep your cuticles from getting dried out. I've gone through phases of using it. Or sometimes I rub hand cream into my cuticles when watching TV at night. It is not anything I would have as an expectation for a partner.
Being retired has affected my routines, too.
I laughed at this one. I shower everyday and when I lived and worked in Florida, sometimes twice. Since moving and living in an area that has sub zero weather part of the year, I may skip a day if I am not sweaty. Unless I am being social and hanging out with a female. Then its back to everyday routine of cleaning up and looking my best.
That is a reasonable routine. I suspect if I lived in Florida and was spending any amount of time outside, I'd probably be showering more often.
Back in a past life I was doing something strenuous like a fast bike ride every day...that also contributed to showering more often. Sweating, and then having the dust from the road stick to your sweat, is nasty.
@smartasswoman I totally agree
....... I spent 20 years as a production line grunt. Followed by a good lather of Shea Butter to prevent dry skin. That's the last time I showered daily. Otherwise, it's wash armpits and crotch 1-2x daily as perceived necessary. Brush teeth 2x daily, and gargle before sex if there is time.
....... My feet are sadly neglected. My bad. A once-a-week wash is good in winter; more often in summer when I do things that are dirt and dust generating. If my upper body is sweating, so are my feet. I go to a podiatrist (MD specializing in feet) for my bi-monthly mani-pedi. There's nothing wrong with my feet; I simply prefer a pro.
....... A daily shower isn't really necessary. A prime function of advertising is "body shaming" so we stock up on lots of chemicals to slobber on our bodies. viz., Naomi Wolfe, The Beauty Myth (1990); et al.
....... If you are truly worried about pit-stink, shave your arm pits. You are drastically reducing the breeding area for bacteria; bacteria are just like people and it's the the bacterias' excrement you smell and are offended by. If ordinary deodorant isn't enough for you, use rubbing alcohol. That alcohol will also put a new dance in your step if applied immediately after shaving. lol.
....... Lume is new to TV advertising. Regular armpit deodorant will work just as well. I suspect Lume tones down the harshness of the chemicals in ordinary deodorant out of respect for women's more exposed, sensitive mucus membranes. Otherwise, it's just same old, same old with a new (higher) price. For men (me), a couple of swipes from regular stick-deodorant applied to my perineum works just fine.
....... Guys, for Xx's sake, get in the habit of a quick washcloth wipes of your scrotum. There's is always a little piss dripping on it when you pee and afterwards. You want stink.? Practice fermenting urine on a rag: just drip on it a little and let it sit in a warm room all day. Eeuuu. Now jump ahead and use your imagination; would you want to get up close and personal with that.?
....... I have always liked my fingernails trimmed like a surgeon. It's probably not fair, but I always look at fingernails. Dirty arcs under them I interpret as a negative indicator of the general state of that person's hygiene.
I sometimes take the strategy of just hand washing my pits and crotch, too. I’m so lazy that at times the idea of taking a shower, getting completely wet and having to dry off sounds overwhelming haha!
Should be command sence too. Also a major worning if they are not.
Common sense?
@smartasswoman , oops...fat thumbs...lol
Thanks for the correction. 😘