You may or may not be aware that my very very favorite writer is Jane Austen. This week's youtube is from Sense and Sensibility. Which is actually not my favorite Jane Austen book (sister Marianne is such a drama queen!) but this seemed apropos since Hugh Grant is our friend @spunkycumfun 's doppelganger.
The backstory is that Elinor (Emma Thompson) is in love with him but had been led to believe he was married. But no - after he was disowned his greedy fiancêe transferred her affections to his brother and married him instead! I love the awkward way he fondles the porcelain sheep as he tries to explain.
I know I keep throwing my "greatest hits" at you but today's old blog discovery was a fake AFF profile that I wrote for Jane Austen:
MissJaneAusten
Tag line: There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well.
40 year old Woman in Chawton, Hampshire
Looking For: Men for Intimate Relations
Profile for MissJaneAusten
The life of a writer can be quite solitary. Granted, most of the time I prefer this lack of society. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependence that can be placed on the appearance of merit or sense. Nevertheless, from time to time I find myself lonely and in need of satisfying certain baser needs which delicacy prevents me from naming specifically.
I have not that facility for flattering, and simpering, and making a man feel that he is the most intelligent, powerful and desirable creature I have ever met. Between that, my advancing age, and the complete lack of a dowry, I am realistic enough to know that marriage will not be my lot. Therefore, I seek what I have heard quaintly referred to as a “friend with benefits”. In return for my occasional affections, you might perhaps provide occasional assistance with relieving the impecunious circumstances that have resulted from my family’s modest means and my choice of career.
My interests include: reading (the person, be it gentleman or lady, who has not pleasure in a good novel, must be intolerably stupid), blogging, needlework, playing the pianoforte, and long rambles through the woods and countryside. Autumn is my favorite time of year ‒ it is not everyone who has my passion for dead leaves.
My Ideal Person: Tall, dark, broodingly handsome. I do admire a military man, in particular a member of Her Majesty's Navy.
Scoundrels, those full of conceit, and bumbling fools will not be tolerated.
What types of sexual activities turn you on?: Giving Oral Sex, Receiving Oral Sex, Role Playing, reading love poetry to each other
What kind of night life do you enjoy? Country dances and balls
How big of a role does sex play in your life? It's a base and ugly desire, that, unfortunately must be satisfied from time to time.
What types of sex activities do you regularly enjoy? Strolling arm in arm, holding hands, a chaste kiss on the cheek, bundling. Delicacy prevents me from describing any activities beyond those.
How much enjoyment do you get from receiving oral sex? I adore a man who is adept with the spoken word.
What are your thoughts on anal sex? !!!!
What's the largest number of people you've shared a sexual encounter with in one session? I'm not telling
What types of sexual activities are OFF LIMITS to you? Anal Sex, Sadomasochism, Toys (Vibrators/Dildos/etc.), Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Rimming, Fetishes, Bondage, Candle Wax, Spanking, Threesomes, Slave/Master, Cross Dressing, Mutual Masturbation, Food Play, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Voyeurism, Handcuffs/Shackles, Breast/Nipple Torture, Clamps, etc., Blindfolds, Leather, Latex, Fisting, Pain, Coprophilia/Scat
What types of new sexual experiences would you like to explore? Actual physical contact with a man.
Besides the obvious, what areas of your body do you consider erogenous zones? Ears, Lips, Neck, Hands/Fingers, Mind (Intelligence)
Have you ever had erotic pictures or video taken of you? I dabble in drawing from time to time
Do you enjoy talking dirty during sex? I don't like it and won't do it.
Does size really matter to you? The larger the estate, the better.
Oh, right. You guys were expecting a picture.
Check out the book price. 60 cents. I have had this paperback for quite a long time.
Bonus bookshelf still life with Jane Austen books and yarn remnants.
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23 comments
Snickering at the fact that the auto tag finder picked up on the mention of "balls".
Funny profile. I really should read some of those books. I guess my proclivity for the STEM fields meant that they never were a part of my educational curriculum.
They're basically very well written romance novels...with a heaping dose of commentary about people's foibles, whether that be snobbery, meddling, or seducing young women.
I love your Jane Austen profile.
Happy HNW
Thank you. It's one of my favorite posts, even though almost no one reading is enough of a fan to know that some of the statements I took out of her books.
Very amusing.
I remember reading that book when I was in high school. I had to write a paper on it. It got me addicted to reading those classics.
I'm thinking I must have read it in high school too, based on the 60 cent price on the book.
@smartasswoman it is amazing that her writings were done in the early 1800s.
You might have a budding career there in writing profiles for hire.
Happy HNW.
Why thank you. 😃
I noticed your attire while reading lol. Looks comfortable lol. I looks like you would be a fun reading buddy 😁😁
I do have a fantasy of a partner who would be happy just sitting on the couch with me and reading. Maybe with my feet in his lap.
@smartasswoman and shirtless?
@Tech2819 sorry, not really part of the fantasy.
@smartasswoman fair enough
👍
You had me chuckling clear through the post...well done. And that from one with only a passing knowledge of the young lady.
Aw thanks. I knew most people wouldn't necessarily appreciate this, so I'm glad a few did.
Nice HNW photo and great profile
Happy HNW
That profile is brilliant 😂
Of course, those that actually read would appreciate it 🙄
@staci_19702
One, maybe? 😂
When I did the blog post I also put up an actual profile. Surprisingly, I did get a few nice messages from some literate British men who recognized the satire. I felt really bad having to reveal that I actually live thousands of miles away, and eventually took the profile down because of that.
@smartasswoman
That is so awesome! 🤗
I hope my agent cleared the release of that clip!
Happy HNW.
Oh my gosh I hope so!!
@smartasswoman I've not yet received a royalty cheque but no doubt it's in the post!