How to get invited to a kink party

A couple people seemed curious after my last post, so I thought I'd talk about how it works. At least in the area where I live! From what I understand, kink cultures and communities can vary depending on where you live.

The first thing to understand is that you will probably need to be patient - this is not an instant process.

There is a site geared toward kinksters - both people into bdsm and swingers (I can't tell you the name or this post won't be approved). It is NOT used as a dating site by everyone on there and if you send come-on type messages to individuals, you may well be ignored. Rather than trolling the profiles, I would advise you to use the search function and to look at groups and events. In my area there are a ton of different groups, some are "generalists" but most of them have some kind of an angle. Switching Post is for people who like to switch roles (open to both topping and bottoming) BUT they keep it pretty inclusive by saying the group is geared "switches and people who like to play with them". FemDomme Collective is for women (and female presenting people) who take a dominant role at least some of the time - and again "people who like to play with them". Ropesters is just what it sounds like, people who like to tie each other up. Daytimers is for people who are free to party during the day - and so on.

The most efficient way to search for groups is to click on "Places" on the top menu bar and then click on Groups. Just be aware that depending on where you live, you might see a TON of groups, but not all of them actively have get-togethers and parties. Some groups will have been formed once upon a time by someone who just wanted to connect with other kinksters who share a vanilla interest (like Minnesota Kinky Bicyclists) and they may be pretty inactive. You're going to have to visit the group pages and see whether they are posting munches and parties. A "munch" is a casual get together (no play) for people to get to know each other. Often held at a restaurant, sometimes at a park, sometimes there are things like game nights at the party room in someone's apartment building. VERY IMPORTANT - most group organizers use the munches as a vehicle to vet people and make a judgement on whether it's someone they want to invite to a party.

So - if you think you might want to go to a group's party, you need to put on your big boy (or big girl) pants and get yourself to a munch. Getting in the door is usually the hardest part for newbies, once you do that it's half the battle. The second half is to make a reasonably good impression. It's OK if you're shy or introverted! It's NOT ok to be creepy. Hitting on people right away, being too persistent in the face of obvious disinterest, and so on. I just recently heard a story from a fellow moderator about a guy who came to a munch and was so eager to converse with one of the women there that he followed her to the bathroom and waited for her outside. 😬

I'm not gonna lie, some groups might seem cliquey on first visit. Usually if you keep attending and are friendly, you'll be accepted. But it's definitely worth checking out a few different groups to see who you fit in with best. Some groups have more young people, some are heavy with nerdy people, and so on.

There will likely be a time set aside at the munch for introductions - people go around and usually give a first name (not always their real name), their pronouns, and their username on the site. Maybe also their usual role, top or bottom or 'new and exploring'. You are not required to introduce yourself! Just know that if you don't, and you also don't manage to talk to any organizers, you're probably not considered "vetted" to attend a party.

Some groups have a more formal process where you need to chat with one or two moderators for a few minutes in order to be vetted.

OK. You've been to some different munches, you've gotten vetted, and you see a party announcement. First thing to be aware of is every group has a different application procedure. There will be an event page on the site and you can click "Interested" or "Going" but that usually doesn't actually count as formally asking for an invite. A lot of groups will have a link to a google form where you fill in various pieces of information. They might ask if this is your first party, or your first party with this group. That does not disqualify you - they're just trying to make sure the attendance list has a good mix between experienced people and newbies.

Get your application in by the stated deadline. That still doesn't mean you're going! 😂 Groups often get more applications than they have space for at the party, so after the deadline they'll review the applications, try to come up with a balanced guest list, and then send out invites a few days before the party.

Once you have that coveted invite, make sure you read the whole thing. If it's a well organized group, they likely have some party rules and there may be rules specific to a particular venue. Yes yes, I know it's boring to read rules, but you wouldn't want to commit a faux pas would you? Rules might be things like,
Don't touch other people or their property without permission (consent is important!)
Allow plenty of room around other people's scenes, don't interfere with a scene, don't ask if you can join in
Clean any equipment after your scene with disinfectant wipes.
There may be prohibitions or cautions on various forms of "edgy" play like breath play or scat play or things that result in blood.

And it's not as much of a thing as it was a couple of years ago, but the group may have covid precautions. My group asks to see proof of vaccination the first time someone attends a party, and asks people to do a rapid test the morning of the party.

By now I've probably scared away 90% of you who thought, "Hey, I think I'd be curious to check out a kink party". For the remaining 10%, let me know if you have any questions...(or if you want a hint or clue 😉).