Earlier this morning I was reading ULikeOral1971's post Sunday Thoughts and Ponderings - about having intimate conversations with faraway internet strangers. I had quite a few such pen pal/chat friends in my early days on the site. It was all new to me back then. My vanity was tickled if someone approached me with flattery, and I was a sucker for witty banter.
After several of those email/chat relationships fizzled, I finally decided that while they were fun, composing long emails (or chatting on a messenger program for an hour or two) was a real time suck, one that I couldn't afford for someone I would never meet.
Here is a post I wrote back in 2007 - I think Peter might have been the first (and best!) of my long distance friends. I am copying it verbatim so don't be thrown off by the present tense - again, it was written back in 2007.
I have an e-mail friend, Peter, who has become very dear to me over the last year. He initially contacted me on this site. I tried to rebuff him because he lives in Texas. He was so charming and persistent that I finally relented and gave him my personal email address. We have corresponded for over a year now. He is Brazilian and has a very delightful, effusive style to his emails. Every one of them starts out "Smarty dearest," or "Sweet smarty," and closes with something along the lines of "kisses and licks" (or when I revealed my bdsm interest, it was "a kick on your ass with my big army boots" 😂 ).
He is unfailingly supportive and nonjudgmental - I can tell him about literally anything that I've done, and he thinks it's all cool. Well, except for my man-chasing tendencies - he is very traditional and is always advising me that I should sit back and let the men chase me. At any rate, part of the man's nonjudgmental nature is that he himself has zero morals and was very open early on about saying that he was incapable of fidelity to one woman.
A couple weeks ago I mentioned that my 50th birthday was coming up in early October and asked him in passing if he'd like to fly up here for my birthday party (he's very well off and wouldn't think twice about the expense). He was initially enthusiastic, but then when he raised the idea with his woman friend, she said "Over my dead body" (or maybe it would have been Peter's body that would be dead). She knows about me, but apparently doesn't believe that the two of us have never slept together or ever even met in person.
So last week, Peter asked for my address so that he could send me flowers for my birthday. Somehow he got the dates mixed up and sent them a month early - they arrived yesterday. I opened the box, and it was a very cheerful bouquet of sunflowers and a small box of chocolates. But imagine my puzzlement when I pulled out the card and it read,
"To CJ and Tyler - Here are sunflowers to help you smile. You will soon be better than before. Your hard work is worth it! I love you both!!! Grandma"
And then imagine my growing consternation and simultaneous amusement as I realized that no doubt, somewhere in the Twin Cities, two wee people received a bouquet of sunflowers with a card saying,
"To my dearest smarty - you are my very most favorite fuck-slut! Here are some flowers for your 50th birthday - kisses and licks on your rosy nipples, Peter"
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19 comments
Yes funny, but I agree don't like doing long distance relationships. Because what if you really do fall hard for each other? Would any of you be willing to relocate hundreds if not thousands of miles for someone? I myself don't have the income for that, perhaps if I was rich?
I did later end up having a FWB relationship with a guy who lived about 250 miles away. That was a driveable distance and we would spend the weekend together every 4-6 weeks. It wasn't ideal of course, but I had nothing else going on in my dating life so it was nice to at least have that.
I agree it gets a lot more complicated if you're talking about any more than a half day's drive.
Very nice
And 😂
Hilarious 😄
I still have a pen pal here
Hopefully the kids got chocolate too
Hugs!!
I hope they got chocolate too. I wonder if Peter's bouquet for me was something fancier than sunflowers?
I still haven't really given up the time suck of keeping in touch with friends here. Maybe someday.
There is still one person who I email with, regularly, but he's someone I actually met in person and was FWB's with for four years. Not exactly the same category as the faraway guys who were only a fantasy.
OMFG!! What a mortifying mixup! 😂 Poor CJ and Tyler! Can you imagine the drama? 😂
Hopefully mom or dad opened the card first? 😬
Oh boy, that had to be surprising for them. 😂
I used to love writing long emails, then like you I realized I was wasting too much time
It took me a while to get tired of it. I'm a slow learner I guess. 😂
Well, I do like writing, so obviously that was part of it. But when I realized I was re-telling stories I had told to two or three other correspondents previously, that was when it started to feel like a time-waster.
It's always sobering when one finds we're being played. I hope you've got my bouquet of flowers!
I'm not sure they were playing me exactly...no promises were ever made. But yes, they might have been mis-representing their situation at home. Funny how I was more willing to chat with someone presenting as single. I guess I didn't want to be a contributor to someone's "emotional infidelity".
OMG, that is one hilarious story. Thanks for sharing. I missed it the first time as I "ONLY" started blogging in late 2008.
I get what you're saying about blogging-buddies but have managed to meet a fair number in person. One or two turned out to be disappointing, but vastly overall - 😁.
Oh, blog buddies are a different deal. Taking the time to read people's posts and leave comments is not much of a time commitment at all, compared to sending very long emails back and forth or spending hours chatting online.
Most of the long distance friends who I had in the early days weren't from the blogs, they were guys who either saw me on cam or stumbled across my profile and were charmed.
Ohemgee! That story is great and well worth a repost!
Thanks. 😊 I thought so...
Lol...did you ever query the delivery...lol..even better did they query their delivery. lol...or what did they say to grandma...when asked ..
The flowers were delivered while I was at work. I got home late, 8 pm, so I figured it was probably way too late to intercept the other half of the mixed up deliveries... I never reported it to the flower company.