(a late submission)
In fall of 2004 my eighteen year relationship ended (that is a whole other story, much more than 300 words!). I spent a couple of months feeling forlorn and depressed. Then, wonder of wonders, my libido returned! I decided to try online dating (which, of course, was not an option the last time I had been single). The vanilla sites were kind of a bust. I might have met a couple people from M#tch but wrecked things by telling my sad tale of woe from my break-up (I thought I was ready to date again but clearly I wasn't). Then I tried eH#rmony, and met one guy who I liked a fair amount and had a few dates with. We had a couple of hot and heavy makeout sessions but didn't progress beyond that. Turned out he was dating more than one person from the site and was at least principled enough not to have sex with either of us until he decided on his finalist (who wasn't me).
I got bent out of shape, then decided the fact that I was so bent out of shape was an indicator that I wasn't ready to pursue another "serious" relationship just yet. I saw ads for AFF online and thought what the heck. Of course I was unable to really browse any profiles unless I set up my own profile. I didn't take it very seriously. Under "what I'm looking for" I put "a man with a penis and a job".
I was flooded with messages. More messages in one week than I had ever received on the vanilla dating sites. "Hmmmm" I said to myself. "Self, you might be on to something here".
My first meet was pretty much of a disaster, but guy #2 was an endurance athlete and volunteer fireman. We had a lot of fun. I don't think I ever pictured that I would still be here twenty years later.
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27 comments
I'm a bit of a newbie ... only been here a decade and a half! But in the beginning, I had messages before my profile was even complete. Real women are very popular here.
I didn't have a photo on my profile for several months, but lots of people wrote to me anyway. 🤷🏻♀️
This place is addictive
Just teasing.
Great picture too
It is indeed! Much too much time spent in first the chat rooms, then the blogs.
I'm pleased you're still here to tell the tale.
Thanks! I'm happy to have made good friends here, like you.
Sounds like quite the journey and one you are still enjoying.
I will admit, I think I'm running out of steam now. I hope people will forgive me - I seem less and less inspired to leave comments on everyone's posts
"A penis and a job" Such high standards! 🤣🤣🤣
I started off with vanilla sites but this site proved to be better suited for me.
I was desperate! 😭😭
SAW … your profile narrative is quite intriguing, going from your original AFF attempts to where you are now is not only amazing, but quite commendable. Happy Hunting. MJ
Aw thanks! I'm not really hunting at this point though.
Good story. Seems like lots get here after an ending. Penis and job hilarious
That's so true! Many many folks in search of something (a lot of times not knowing what) after last relationship ended.
Yours was also one of the first blogs I followed here, and that is one of the main reasons I joined back in 2005 upon discovering the menagerie of bloggers here at the time. You and I shared a quiet December evening together (unbeknownst to you, it was my birthday) talking and listening to music. I moved to Chicagoland three weeks later. It's hard for me to believe 20 years has flown by.
I still remember that evening, it was really nice.
And it's VERY hard to believe it was 20 years ago!
Wooow impressive
I have been on the site for many years not very active for a long periods until I discovered the blogs and found that people seemed more interesting and human even honest about life and their journey through it, maybe a safety vale for some. The picture is a great idea.
Yes, it's nice to be able to be open about who and what you are, here.
I miss the old days of seeing ads for the site and being curious about it. The honesty here was really refreshing compared to the regular dating sites (at least with the people who were being honest.)
I guess the honesty is a good thing - only it made me realize that most men on vanilla dating sites are probably being dishonest. Especially when you see someone who's a total horndog on AFF, then you see the same pic on a hearts and flowers profile on a different site...
Back then, the chances of making a good connection was high, now not so much. 😔
Twenty years ago there were at least some people who would actually make an effort in their intro message. I'm going to sound like a grumpy old lady but I think in some ways, smart phones and the app-ification of dating sites has ruined us.
@smartasswoman maybe, but for me it was easier to reach out than doing the bar scene
Penis AND a job - not or? Some women!! 🤣
You've referenced previously your slutty period. Was the via AFF, or before the 18 year relationship?
I was relatively slutty during my 20's and early 30's, but probably even more so AFTER the relationship when I was in my most active AFF era.
Oh wow, our stories are so similar.
No, no, not a stupid pick-up line 
) My story also began here in 2004, after our breakup had become final a year earlier. A friend who I met on a vanilla website showed me this website 
) she also showed me the tantra seminars she attended.. this helped me spiritually out of my grief.. and opened new doors for me.. I became a tantra masseur and yoga teacher.. but only had a few meetings from this site here.. as the website is not used that much by women in Germany ;-(( and I live in a very small village.. well, you're right.. at the time the website was more valuable for conversations.. I had a few meetings with couples where the women were persuaded by their husbands.... very tense.... I then gave the couples an exercise in patience 
) which made for a lovely evening for both of us 
I told him how she wanted to be touched to get a nice feeling.... some women then came to me later on alone for a second massage. I've noticed that I'm more of a pamperer than a dominator... but ok... after more or less long relationships, I've now decided as a pensioner that I prefer to be stress-free alone and use this site as a voyeur 
) laugh and I'm trying to teach the new guys here that women want more than just 3 word sentences to greet them... I wish you all the best
Tantra masseur and yoga teacher - living the dream. 😀
p.s. I always do half moon against the wall like that…only way that I can get even close to the proper form.
@smartasswoman the route is the goal.....Do you know the story of B. K. S. Iyengar? He died in 2014. He was the toughest and strictest teacher, but also the best yoga teacher...
@voyeur57271 Yes, the first yoga teacher I ever had was an Iyengar devotee. I remember the first class, we spent the entire class refining triangle pose, and thinking "Hmmm this wasn't what I was expecting". Working with her gave me a nice solid foundation of the core poses.
@smartasswoman Yes, his way always took the health route... and the practice sessions were often painful and caused sore muscles at the beginning... my teacher was also very strict about maintaining discipline... old school... but so good... not like the modern training where you're a qualified yoga teacher after 200 hours... but yoga is a good path... everyone should practice it - for a better world... make love and yoga not war...
Cool story
Mmm very nice
And as the saying goes when you stop looking for it, us it will surprisingly show up without you even realizing it. Same be said for even friends
I've actually never been a fan of that saying. If you stop looking for it, you're probably not going to find it. Case in point, when I finally found someone worthwhile (eighteen years after my last serious relationship ended, mind you) it was because I decided to give a dating app one last try. Granted it was not exactly a vanilla app.