I couldn't really think of a second chance story relating to a significant relationship, but it did remind me of a dating rule that I developed not long after venturing into the wacky world of dating flaky people who you've met online.
There was one fellow in particular who strung me along endlessly. We'd make plans and then at the last minute I'd get an IM from him. "My best friend died. I just don't feel up to coming out." Asshole. He knew that I was too nice to question him about something like that. Yes, it was most likely a bald faced lie, but if I doubted him and it was actually true, then I'd be the asshole.
He was fun to chat with, which I guess is why I gave him too many chances. But eventually I did cut off contact. Oh, here's another funny/creepy thing. His profile name was something like BiLizandBiBrad and it was a couple's profile. I also chatted with "Liz" a few times and "she" was also entertaining to chat with, quite snarky and sarcastic. Later on someone in the chat room clued me in that there was no Liz and that was just "Brad" chatting as Liz. 😡
At any rate, after that I developed a policy on people who flaked out on first meets. IF: 1) they actually contacted me a reasonable amount of time before the date (i.e. didn't stand me up), 2) their excuse seemed plausible, and 3) they seemed sincere about rescheduling, I would give them a second chance. People do have things happen like car trouble or child care issues and I didn't want to become excessively suspicious and distrusting.
However, if it happened a second time, no more chances. Instead of "three strikes you're out", my policy was "two strikes you're out".
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Sounds like a good idea, too many ghosts around.
I don't really have to use it anymore since I'm not meeting new people these days.
Have had lots of friends die recently
I’m not sure whether you’re pulling my leg relating to the guy’s excuse. If you’re not, well I’m very sorry.
@smartasswoman not pulling your leg
My policy is pretty much the same as yours. There may be second chances, but there's no third.
It seems to be pretty common...
Your “two strikes” policy makes sense. The “Liz” twist was both funny and unsettling, and I like how you turned that experience into a clear boundary. I’m similar—if someone flakes once, I might let it slide if the excuse feels genuine. But if it happens again, I don’t try to reignite things. Endings happen for a reason, and I’d rather keep my energy for connections that feel solid.
Yes, exactly - it’s very wearing to deal with someone who either is a) yanking your chain, or b ) has such a chaotic life that they can’t get it together to meet for a drink. We don’t need that.
I would like to think that everyone is honest but I've seen to much. If someone makes up an excuse that I just don't believe that's it. I might give then a second chance if it is a little believable but most of the times it's not so that's it for me.
That's why the policy has the #2 requirement, "the excuse seemed plausible". Yes, often times it is not!
That seems like a very reasonable rule.
Your policy is very fair.
Hugs!!
So how many "my mother died" is someone entitled to? COULD be mother, then step-mother, then god mother, adopted mother...😂
I tend to picture some of these guys as living in Mommy's basement and furiously jerking off at the mere prospect of meeting an actual woman.
Yes, I finally figured out that most of the people who flake out on meeting have something to hide. Married, or don't look anything like their profile pictures, or living in Mommy's basement. They never intended to meet and just held out the possibility as a way to keep me chatting.
I agree with your policy whole-heartedly. I find that I'm much less likely to grant second chances as I've gotten older. It's as if there are only so many "gives" in a person.
Yes, or maybe we just get a lot less trusting after experiencing many flaky people.
(sorta the same as what you're saying)